The Birth of Lies

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?